Spring Cleaning Worthy of a Spring Break

So what happens when mommy gets a bug up her @$$ about the absolute train wreck that is our house 15 minutes after the cleaning lady comes (yes, I have one of those once a week – don’t be a h8ter)?!  Mommy starts aiming for every corner of the house and tries to remove all the excess sh*t that she didn’t notice in the pre-holiday clean up that happened just four months ago.

And, for sh*ts and giggles, here’s what mommy learned:

Until my children leave this nest and I take away my husband’s amazon password, there will be no end to the amount of sh*t that makes its way into our house and that I have to then extract from our house! And no, they aren’t the only ones to blame, I have my fair share of nonsense I’ve brought into this house, it was just funnier to pick on them first.

And, while we’re picking on things, let’s start with mom jeans:

Here’s a benefit of all of my mommy Facebook green screen shenanigans – taking a lot of photos and realizing that those cute blingy jeans that I got from that “mom store” that shall remain nameless, make my @$$ look like a mom @$$ – and don’t any of you dare tell me that my saggy @$$ doesn’t look horrible – there’s a reason my friend Crissy’s @$$ is covered up. She knows what the back side can look like when not well attended to.

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I didn’t event know my butt had that dimple.

Guess what the first thing was in the bag of give-away clothes?!

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Give-away pile right alongside princess cookie cutters that had rusted (ok, I threw those out) and the . . . wait for it . . . BOW DABRA! Yeah, it’s ok, you can ask “What the f*&# is a Bowdabra”?! I don’t even want to describe that ridiculousness because it will give Husband from Heaven fuel to take away my Michaels privileges.

 

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And you can bet your blingy ass I made us do a re-shoot!!

Here’s what I’ve learned about how your spring cleaning can lead to a spring break – some days it’s a psychotic break and other days it’s a break from the chaos; whichever it is depends on how the cleaning goes:

  1. When you are casually flipping through a “ladies home journal” type magazine, PUT THAT SH*T AWAY. For if you do not, within days your socks may look like little animals (as my friend said), and your garage may look like you are moving out a small army.
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Laundry day

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I have no words for where we even kept all that crap.

2. When you take photos with your friend and you do quick changes in your bedroom – CLOSE THE CLOSET DOOR. For if you do not, she may call you the next day and tell you, I MUST clean that sh*t up for you. Of course, this was not at all bad. My closet went from THIS:

closet before

To THIS:

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It’s been 8 weeks and it still looks like that.  It makes me happy just looking at it.

3. If you really want to freak your husband out, start folding his underwear and undershirts into little balls. The man is smart, he has not said one word about the fact that his underwear used to look like it had been put away by one of his fraternity brothers and now it looks like some anal retentive Martha Stewart has possessed his underwear drawer. He’s not sure what’s going on, he’s just waiting for the other sock to fall!

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By the way, these are socks, not underwear. Pretty sure there’d be divorce papers in my future if I posted his underwear.

4. The most important lesson – Do not start this “cleaning” process unless you have time to finish it. Sh*t you not, right at this moment, THIS is what my office looks like:

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I cut off the image because that nonsense goes on for another 10 feet. I can’t put my mother through the heart attack at seeing the rest!

I started that part of the project 4 weeks ago and my life has “gotten in the way” (which is code for I’d rather be playing tennis) ever since.  It is so bad that I even missed paying the bill on renewing my law license because my brain was so cluttered and I thought I had paid it. That cost me $150 more than it needed to. F*&#!

And when you are finally done with your spring cleaning, DO NOT go into a toy store.  For if you do, THIS is what most people will see

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All those pretty toys stacked so neatly and with all the pieces in their cute little boxes.

But you will see THIS

 

Pretty sure that tennis racquet is circa 1987!

Moral of the story, it feels really cathartic to get rid of all this crap. Just make sure that you can finish what you start (or let’s rephrase – make sure you prioritize finishing what you start). I am strategically avoiding my office because of the nonsense up there. I think it’s making me very unproductive.

And, I’d be remiss if I didn’t share the resources that I found helpful:

  1. the life-changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo

Magic of tidying up book

  • Caveat, if you have kids, it will be clear to you that this woman wrote this BEFORE she had kids.  The concept of being able to pull every book out of your house, put it in a pile and decide what to do with it in the timeframe from when you drop your kids off to before they get home and decide to make themselves a new library with your throw aways will not be nearly enough.  That aside, there are some really good suggestions and strategies – like how to fold your clothes so you can see them, rather than wonder what’s under that big pile.
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It’s a little hard to tell, but those are my workout clothes – of course my friend Crissy would tell me to throw 90% of that sh*t out. I’m not ready yet!

2. My friend Crissy. Honest to goodness, she’s a magician with organization. She’s not actually “looking” for a job in this realm, but if you need someone to help you not only get your sh*t together but to also give you some amazing fashion advice, she’s your gal and I am happy to hook you up with her. 😉

Last, most important key; keep up with it. The minute you let things slide a little bit, you will slide into oblivion! Yea, THIS kind of oblivion!!! That’s MY sh*t. Can’t even blame the kids!!

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I have no words for how I stored that much sh*t in there! And that’s not even 1/2 of it.  No wonder my mind has been so cluttered.

 

Are you organized? What do you do to keep it that way? Do your regularly organize or just keep it up? Do you have a semiannual “dump” session? Please comment below and heeeeeeelp me!!

For more organizing and spring cleaning tips, check out www. Facebook.com/runamukmom.com

#springcleaning #organizing #chaos

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About the Author

In 2010 I was given the gift of answering to THREE bosses (aka my children), rather than continue to work full time outside the home. This site is about my journey of self discovery, and self deprecation as I realize I’m not smarter than a 5th grader. Enjoy the blogs and resources, share your stories with me, and check out my book. Hopefully at the end of the day you can laugh too (some days that’s all that keeps me from crying)!!

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